goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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