I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize