Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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