I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
