i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
