Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
