He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
