i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
