What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
