he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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