A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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