Say something about gay babies.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
