i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
