She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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