Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
