we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
