He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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