we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize