i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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