I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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