She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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