I wanna bring you to show and tell
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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