She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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