wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
