I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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