Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
