He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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