I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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