i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize