Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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