She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
