it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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