RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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