I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
