Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
