Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
