I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
