I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
