I could make wine with my vomit
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize