I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
