we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My liver just had a heart attack.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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