Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
