just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
