3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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