Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
