god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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