I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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