can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
