Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
