it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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