We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
