I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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