Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
