"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm jealous of your bromance
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
