butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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