When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
