didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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