You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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