I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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