i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
