all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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