So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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