I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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