Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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