i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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