We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
