You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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