she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
operation harelip BJ is a go
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
