two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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