stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think your dad took our porno
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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