I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
