just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
