I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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